Why do I find this a difficult topic to write about? Well, because the first thought that pops into mind is that I don’t want to appear insensitive. I want the other person to know that I care, that I hear them. That when they are having a tough time or a tough experience I can be there. But again does being there mean offering advice or bringing a box of tissues. Sometimes it might be, but oh so often those actions can be more about the person offering the help then the person needing the
“help or needing to be heard”.
Perhaps not with awareness or intention but more of a reaction to someone upset. We all (or I should say most of us) want to be liked and thought about as compassionate and these small gestures represent that, right?
I can hear the thoughts running rampant right now about my words above or are they just my thoughts.
Holding space - what exactly is that and what do I mean. To hold space for the other person to let them express their thoughts and feelings without judgment, without fixing. To be the person holding that space and not thinking about themselves being uncomfortable watching someone expressing emotions and feelings, not needing to speak or needing to act. In other words to be the person the rock that can hold the container just as it is. Just as it shows up.
I read in an article that if you answer yourself in full sentences your thinking mind is taking over and you are suppressing your intuition. I like that thought, because it is not about what I am thinking, it is about what am I sensing. Owning my feelings and expressing them without worrying about what my friends or family think. Holding space for myself so my intuition can be heard. Igniting my inner fire, my agni by being loving and compassionate to myself first.
I love how the universe keeps giving when we stay open. I have rewritten this short piece a few times between yesterday and today, agonizing a little over how to express my thoughts without sounding harsh and today I read a piece from Ram Dass and I quote “So if I were giving people one instruction, I would say work on yourself. Have compassion for yourself. Allow yourself to be beautiful and all the rest will follow.” He is saying what I believe I am trying to express - Hold space for yourself so you can hold space for others and allow for transformation to happen or for silence to be heard.
So here is my intention - to hold space for you to breathe and let your inner self be acknowledged without comments or judgments. That alone will begin a healing process and that alone will let the individual and myself know if there is a next step in the journey.
Oh and before you go off on this or that just think about it first. I am not speaking of letting out your feelings to hurt others, or to harm. I am speaking about owning, really owning how you feel and acting on those feelings or not to live an authentic life for yourself. Bottom line once again, it’s all about love. Do you love yourself and can you live a life that shows that love. Can you hold space because space accepts everything.
So please bring your own tissues if need be when we chat next time. Let’s do the work, let’s heal. Let’s hold space for one another.